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I dont know about you but I'm fucking tired. I'm so exhausted of life I just wish itd be over. I really honestly dont see anything positive in my life at all. I hate it so much. Almost every aspect of it. Recently I've been wishing I could move back home with my parents just to feel taken care of for a bit because I sure as hell dont feel that way now. I'm just tired of going on. Life is too exhausting. Its too hard, hopeless and miserable. Everything is just shit and I know its not just me. Its literally like my body is starting to physically reject how hard life is.
I just honestly cant be arsed anymore. When you know for a fact that you cant fix your problems then honestly whats the point in continuing. This isnt a suicide note (though if death were just to happen it wouldnt be a bad thing). I'm just fucking exhausted of trying. Like really? this is life? its this shit and hard and awful for everyone? Why does anyone keep living if thats the case. I really wish I was dead. I know people say that if someone kills themself, they never get that relief they're looking for as they're dead and so cant feel anything. Thats the point though. The nothingness. Everything stops. It ends abruptly and you arent even conscious of it and for someone whos every waking second feels like torture, that is exactly what they want. Nothing. I want the nothing. I want everyone and everyhting to stop. I honestly dont know how much longer I can sustain this for without another major psychotic break (I had one in May 2014 that resulted in being off work for over a year). Every day I have to try to live. Try to be happy, try to just get up in the morning. Nothing is effortless. Living isnt effortless. I cannot be arsed trying anymore, its too hard and quite frankly if this is life, just not worth the effort. I'm just so tired.
